Tact

Recently I have been thinking and observing long-term interpersonal relationships (like with siblings, good friends or ward members) and have realized the importance of tact. While I was never brave enough to do it, I used to think that you should just say what you think and if the hearer has a hard time with it, that is their fault. I would often quote the scripture "the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center" 1 Ne 16:2. Basically, I didn't care about feelings and even sometimes though I was helping them by not beating around the bush or sugar coating hard things.

Then I noticed I would get kind of offended and defensive if someone would talk to me that way. I would have to remind myself that they were right and work hard to be able to take it as constructive criticism and try to learn and improve rather than just bristle. That combined with talking to others and sharing experiences helped me to see how important it is to more carefully choose my words or even just keep my mouth shut. I find with myself that I usually know that what I am doing is wrong or at least not what I want to be doing and am working on it. Having it pointed out to me doesn't help and just makes me feel frustrated that I am still working on it.

A little while ago, I was watching a movie, Evening, with Kristen. There was a point in the movie where these two sisters are talking about the direction that one's life is going and the other one expressed a concern that if she keeps going the way she is that she will end up completely alone when she is old. Naturally, she starts to cry. Kristen commented that while that may be true, and she must worry about that a lot, what is gained by saying it out loud? That really hit me. What is the point of hurting someone's feelings just for the sake of saying something that may be true but not helpful, just hurtful? More often than not, it is better to either not say anything at all, or say something but with kindness, love and a real desire to assist. Hopefully now I can incorporate that lesson into my own life.