So as Anna loves to tell people, I'm pregnant. I'm due at the beginning of February which is when Anna's birthday is. They will be pretty much exactly four years apart. Let me just say, I didn't really want to have my first two children four years apart.

I have a favorite scripture story. It's in Mosiah 24 where the people of Alma are in bondage to the wicked priests. They are treated horribly. Not only were the adults persecuting the adults but they had the children persecute the children. They were even told that they cannot pray. Not a happy time to be one of the people of Alma.

My plan was not to have my children this far apart. In fact, way back when I was living with Kristen, I was started to get concerned about the spacing. We were trying to get pregnant even though the whole no-job thing was tricky. I often said that if I could get pregnant and know that Jason would have a job before the baby was born, that would be great. In spite of mentally knowing that is probably wasn't the best time, emotionally I didn't care. I wanted a baby.

Then we moved in with Jason's parents. The thing with wanting a baby is that the desire pretty much doesn't go away until you get what you want. At least that's how it was with me. It just kept getting stronger. After a while, when my period would start, I would cry. I was generally able to hold it in until I went to bed, then I would break down and sob into my pillow. Two experiences stand out. One day I was at church and the teacher was pregnant and I felt literally empty inside. I had never felt that before and it was not pleasant. Another time, again at church I was just watching a baby in our ward (of which there were thankfully very few) during sacrament meeting and just started to cry. It got so bad that I couldn't sing the closing song. It was no surprise when my period started later that day. Needless to say, I was beginning to feel like I had a burden that was too strong for me to carry.

The people of Alma didn't stop praying though. Their prayers just turned inward. It says in verse 12, "And Alma and his people did not raise their voices to the Lord their God, but did pour out their hearts to him: and he did know the thoughts of their hearts." During this time I did a lot of praying. Not just for a baby but for me to be able to wait for the right time for him to come to our family. Through previous blessings, I knew we were going to have more kids. I strongly felt that there wasn't anything wrong with me physically, we were really just waiting for the timing to be right. This was very helpful because it gave me an end to look forward to, even though I didn't know when the end would be. Now and then I worried there was something I was supposed to be doing that I wasn't and that was the delay. I came to realize that we were just waiting on timing.

For the people of Alma, the Lord didn't deliver them right away. Instead, he eased the burdens on their backs. More specifically, in verse 15 it says, "And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." So he didn't stop the hardness, he just made it so they could handle it. Amazingly, the same happened to me, to an extent. I wouldn't say that I was ever really cheerful about the whole thing but I was getting better by the end. I was able to enjoy babies without being sad. The crying may not have gone away completely but it definitely got better. Basically, I was able to kind of put it all on the back burner for the time being.

Then I got pregnant. I'm sure medically you could say that since we stopped stressing over it, it happened but I know that it was also the right time. Just after I found out I was pregnant, I was sitting in church and thinking about it and I got the feeling like I had passed the test. It was a very comforting feeling. Most importantly, I know that the Lord helped me get through that. I often think of the hymn How Firm a Foundation. It's a favorite song right now, especially verses 3 and 7 which say,

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.

I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose

I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;

The soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,

I'll never, no never, no never forsake!