... love the place you're in. I have lived in a number of different places that are all very different yet I have enjoyed my time in each one of them. I was thinking about this and how odd that is considering I'm not really the nomadic type (seriously, I'm not). I like to be settled and stay in one place for a while. I guess the reason this has been ok with me is that we've been able to stay in any one place for more than a year (other than London and India but they were special cases) and I tend to treat each place as my home and jump in with both feet.Sometimes I feel like I'm a bit home-less if you will. I never know how to answer when people ask where I'm from. I grew up in Maryland but moved to California in high school. I know a lot of my siblings say they are from Maryland because we lived there for so long (somewhere around 15 years I think) but I don't really feel like that tells the whole story. We moved to CA after only one year of high school so I spent most of that time there. Plus, it's where my parents still live and where I went home to in college and still go 'home' to. If I just say I'm from Maryland, it almost ignores all of that. On the other hand, I don't like to say I'm from CA. I'm going to reveal a bit of my prejudices here but when you say you are from CA, people get a certain idea about you. And it's not an idea that either fits me or I particularly enjoy so I'm wary to lump myself into that group.
I guess because of the amount of moving around that I have done (there were a number of years in Utah in there too), I've learned the importance of being happy wherever you are. Recently I've discovered that a number of women in our ward hate Philly. I was shocked. There are so many great things about Philly, how can you hate it? Now each person has their own reasons and difficulties but I think part of it is that it's not where they came from and they don't know all that Philly has to offer. When moving to a place that is very different from where you're coming from (and Philly usually fits into that category) it's very easy to focus on all the bad and compare it to the best of where you are from. Or even to simply say that anything different/unfamiliar is bad. But then, how does the unfamiliar become familiar unless you get out and experience it?
Then there is the problem of leaving people behind. I love my family and enjoy spending time with them too. However, since getting married and having a baby, I see the importance of being my own family and to separate ourselves from them. I also believe that it is through doing that that I become more of an adult and stand on my own. My mom and I are both firm believers of benign neglect as she calls it. Basically letting adult children have a life of their own. Of course if the parents are needed they are there but the goal is for the children to need them less and less.
I don't want to downplay the idea of homesickness. Everyone misses things that they love. The problem comes when that love of the old interferes with enjoying the new. In my experience, there is good everywhere and if you look for it, you will find it. Same with people. There are good people everywhere and getting to know them will help you better appreciate the place. I figure, if you have to live somewhere that you aren't thrilled with, being miserable and complaining about it doesn't help anyone. It won't make the time go by faster (if anything it will feel longer), it won't help you make friends (no one likes a frowney face) and you will miss out on some great stuff.
3 comments:
so true. home is where dave and my boys are. the fact that i also happen to live in a beautiful place near family is really just a bonus. i knew a family in college where the wife was so incredibly homesick for utah and did nothing but complain the whole time. then i talked to her several years later, after they had moved back to utah, and she was saying how much she loved and missed living in Pennsylvania. i was shocked.
My dad's company moved him from Los Angeles to Avenal (a bitty little place)so he could get field experience. We were there only one year as promised and then moved on. After Avenal we held a family council and agreed to never just pass through a place again, that we would jump in and get involved as though we would be there forever. That way we'd wring the most from our experience and feel settled. It was a good family decision. -Dad
When people ask where I'm from, I'm tempted to say: "do you want the short version or the long version?" Instead I go by the situation and what they seem to be really asking. Maybe I'll say Utah, because that's where we just came from. Or maybe California, if we're referring to family, since that's where Mom and Dad live. Or "I was an Army brat" so show that I'm not defined by one place, but rather by the moving around.
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