Different Strokes for Different Folks

I understand being concerned about your baby's health and wanting them to be happy. I understand being upset when they cry and doing all you can so that they don't cry. That being said, I don't understand some of the questions people have with regards to raising children. I understand that I have had a lot of experience being around babies and was pretty comfortable with them when Anna was born but it is VERY different when the baby is your own and while I may not have worried I was going to break her when I picked her up, I still didn't know what to do in a lot of respects and still don't. Let's face it, we are all winging it with our first ones especially and even with subsequent ones because every baby is different.

Let me explain where this is coming from. I get weekly emails about parenting and child development and the like from babycenter.com. There are also occasional other emails about the other articles they have on the site. Generally I don't read them because I'm not really interested in what they say. They have headlines like "Parenting do's and don'ts" or "Is (blank) really safe" or stuff like that. When I do read the articles they consist of a question and then a professional answers it along with other moms who have commented on it. Any time I read the other mom's answers I get either freaked out (like when I read about how turbulence can kill your baby if you take them on the plane as a lap child) and or just think they are all idiots (happens often).

Today I read this :

When can I put my baby down without worrying about him crying?

"Some newborn babies don't like to be put down ever and cry the moment they leave their mother's arms, others are fine from day one," says Lyuba Konopasek, assistant professor of pediatrics a the New York-Presbyterian Weill Cornell Medical Center in New York City. In general, Konopasek says, a baby who is younger than 5 months old should not be left alone to cry for more than five minutes, at which point you need to pick him up and try to comfort him.

After 5 months, you can let your baby cry a little longer, if necessary, before you go to him. "This is also about the age when you can start to condition a baby to sleep," says Konopasek. Also keep in mind that babies go through phases when they'll be more or less content to be left alone. Your 6-month-old may be happy to sit in a swing, bouncer seat, or portable crib by himself, but then as his first birthday approaches he screams whenever you're out of sight. This is often the result of separation anxiety, a normal stage of development that often kicks in around 8 to 12 months, says Konopasek.

Granted, I only have one baby and she has been easy (I fully acknowledge that) but I feel like their time line is a little on the late side. I guess they have to go with the lowest common denominator, so to speak but I think it's almost never too early to let your baby learn to play/entertain themselves. Plus, I think babies learn more and better if you let them do it at their own pace which requires letting them do things on their own. That is acknowledged once they get to schools (look at Montessori schools) but doesn't seem to be carried over into early learning.

I know it's hard to listen to your baby cry but before you pick them up, you have to ask yourself are you truly helping in the long run. As parents, our job is to teach and prepare for life. Of course we don't want to ignore them if something it really wrong but it is also important to realize that something that may be hard in the short-term is better for them in the long run. This applies to so many things. Take sleep, for example. There are almost as many opinions on it as there are parents. The bottom line is that a person needs to know how to sleep and, I would add, on their own. I know it's hard to listen to your baby cry when you are trying to teach them to sleep but if they never learn, it's harder on you and them in the long run.

Too often women think that they need to put their baby's needs above their own. What they don't realize is that they need to take care of themselves if they are going to be the best mom they can be. If you can't function without sleep, then come up with a system where you get as much as you can. It's like when you are in an airplane. In the video at the beginning, it talks about what to do if the oxygen masks come down and you are traveling with a child: put your own on first and then help the child. This does not mean you can keep them in a wet diaper all day because you are too busy doing your nails but it does mean there is no harm in putting them down while you go to the bathroom for a few minutes, even if they fuss a little bit while they are waiting.

I know it may have been hard to follow my ramblings and I hope I haven't offended anyone. As I said, I only have one baby and she has been easy but I seriously think that with parenting it's like the song says "you gotta be cruel (in the short term) to be kind (in the long term)".